I really liked today's discussion about divorce. I especially appreciated the discussion on the predictors of divorce and the processes of divorce, and how we can protect our marriage from divorce. I thought it was really interesting when we talked about the different processes we go through, and how it affects the family. I think that once you reach the emotional divorce stage people will start to notice. Unless you can keep it really secretive, then people who are close to you are going to start to realize that something is wrong. This could affect the children, and it could even scare them a little. The legal divorce is when the family is kind of ripped apart, and you have to deal with the co-parental and economic divorce. This will be hard on everyone involved. After that I think it would be really hard to go through the psychological divorce, just because after being that close and intimate with that person it would be hard to separate yourself emotionally from that person. This could lead to further complications, like if you got remarried but were not psychologically divorced from the other person. I am grateful that my family does not have many divorces, today just looking at the board in class it would be really confusing and hard to deal with divorce. I don't know how people do it. That would put so much strain on the new marriage, and on the children. Also the death of the parent would be terrible, and also very confusing. I admire the people though who do come out of a situation like that and can have a new happy marriage and make it last.
Last was the protection of divorce in your marriage. I agree with the advice to not even talk about divorce. My dad gave my fiance that advice, he told him to never talk about it in the home, and to never even joke about it. I think that is so important, because once it is mentioned you will both have that idea in your head, and sometimes ideas are hard to get out. Another one I really liked that we talked about was to cleave unto your spouse. I think this is so important. Parents, even though they mean well, can really harm a marriage. I think they should just try to separate themselves from the couple for a while, and let the couple start their life without interference. It would just make things easier. Lastly I liked the comment that we should keep marital problems to ourselves. This, I think, would save some marriages. I think this because if you go talk to your mom about all the things your husband is doing to bother you than you mom is going to start disliking your husband, and they will never get the other side of the story. Most stories have two sides and it could be just as much your fault as it is the other persons. So it is just better to discuss the problems with your spouse, and not talk to anyone else about them.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Parenting
I liked in class when we talked about the characteristics/qualities of parenting. I think that all of those four qualities are important to have in parenting. Especially the respect quality. Without respect parenting is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. With respect your children will listen to you more, and they will give you respect. You are teaching your children not bossing them around, you are not their master you are their parent. Also I think it does take a lot of courage to raise children. It is hard and you will take risks, but in the end it is worth it. Parenting is also a huge responsibility, your children are depending on you. Every parent should take this responsibility seriously. Also the last thing was cooperation. This is important, things will be easier if the family is cooperating together.
I think the best parenting style is active parenting. You are the parent, you are not the child's friend or master. You want your children to make choices, but they have to suffer the consequences of the choices they make. You cannot protect them from consequences or they will never learn. Another thing a good parent does not do is lecture. You want to try to give advice where it is wanted, but spend time listening to your child. Get to know them and their feelings. Children respond to feelings, and if they know you understand their feelings they are more likely to talk to you about it. Have reflective listening. Validate their feelings. Have respect for your child, and they will return that respect. Talk to your child about the consequences of their decisions, but don't make the decision for them. Be consistent with your communication with your child. Give your child your full attention when talking to them, make sure they know you want to talk to them. Develop a good relationship with your child.
I think the best parenting style is active parenting. You are the parent, you are not the child's friend or master. You want your children to make choices, but they have to suffer the consequences of the choices they make. You cannot protect them from consequences or they will never learn. Another thing a good parent does not do is lecture. You want to try to give advice where it is wanted, but spend time listening to your child. Get to know them and their feelings. Children respond to feelings, and if they know you understand their feelings they are more likely to talk to you about it. Have reflective listening. Validate their feelings. Have respect for your child, and they will return that respect. Talk to your child about the consequences of their decisions, but don't make the decision for them. Be consistent with your communication with your child. Give your child your full attention when talking to them, make sure they know you want to talk to them. Develop a good relationship with your child.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Counseling In Families
I liked today's discussion on counseling. I think it is so important to counsel with our families about big decisions. When I was growing up we always had family counsel on Sunday night. It helped us come together and know what everyone was doing that week. Also we talked about the big issues in the family, and we figured out what we were going to do. When we could not come up with a unanimous decision usually my dad would just make the executive decision. My parents all made sure though that we could all say our opinions or what we thought the family should do. It is so important that we do this in our families because it helps everyone feel included and it helps the family to bond. Another things that i think is important that I will implement in my marriage is weekly parental counseling. I think it is vital to a marriage to have time at least once a week where you and your spouse can counsel together. It gives you time to make decisions about the family, and to just be together and talk and bond without the kids being there.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Family Crisis
In class today we talked a lot about ABC. A is the actual event, or crisis. B is the behavioral responses. C is the cognition or the thoughts and interpretation of the event. I really liked how this kind of lays out the types of things that actually happen when we experience a crisis in our families. Also I think sometimes people look at other families going through a crisis and judge them on how they are reacting or why they are acting that way. We really can't do this, because we really don't know what we would do in that situation unless we have experienced that same crisis. In that case you would not be judging them, you could be sympathetic to them and try to help them and let them know that you know how they are feeling.
Another thing I thought about when dealing with a crisis is how you think about it later, and how you experience it has a lot to do with your attitude. If you are going through this event thinking that it is unfair and that it really sucks, and that you will not learn anything from it then that is probably what is going to happen. This attitude not only affects you but it also affects all the other people around you that are dealing with the crisis too. It is so important that we try not to have a bad attitude, and that we just try to draw strength from the people around us. I know that when my family experiences a crisis we draw strength from each other. Not just one person has the strength either, it is more like we all boost each other up. Together we get through it, and it is always a lot harder when we are trying to get through it alone. My family works as a team, and we function as a team, so when we are going through hard times we get through it as a team.
Another thing I appreciated that we talked about was how to convey the news of a crisis. It can make a world of difference if you calmly tell somebody what happened, or if you are panicked and yelling about what happened. I think especially if you have young children you need to exercise restraint in telling them about the crisis. You should not be crying and hysterical when telling them something because that is how they are going to react. You should be calm and collected and let the children lean on you for support when telling them of a crisis. I remember when my grandfather died my parents sat all of us kids down and calmly told us that he had passed away and that we were going to leave the next day for his funeral. We did not over react or anything, we were all sad, but it was something we could handle. Family crisis are already hard to handle, we do not need to make them worse with how we deliver the news, or how we react to the news.
Another thing I thought about when dealing with a crisis is how you think about it later, and how you experience it has a lot to do with your attitude. If you are going through this event thinking that it is unfair and that it really sucks, and that you will not learn anything from it then that is probably what is going to happen. This attitude not only affects you but it also affects all the other people around you that are dealing with the crisis too. It is so important that we try not to have a bad attitude, and that we just try to draw strength from the people around us. I know that when my family experiences a crisis we draw strength from each other. Not just one person has the strength either, it is more like we all boost each other up. Together we get through it, and it is always a lot harder when we are trying to get through it alone. My family works as a team, and we function as a team, so when we are going through hard times we get through it as a team.
Another thing I appreciated that we talked about was how to convey the news of a crisis. It can make a world of difference if you calmly tell somebody what happened, or if you are panicked and yelling about what happened. I think especially if you have young children you need to exercise restraint in telling them about the crisis. You should not be crying and hysterical when telling them something because that is how they are going to react. You should be calm and collected and let the children lean on you for support when telling them of a crisis. I remember when my grandfather died my parents sat all of us kids down and calmly told us that he had passed away and that we were going to leave the next day for his funeral. We did not over react or anything, we were all sad, but it was something we could handle. Family crisis are already hard to handle, we do not need to make them worse with how we deliver the news, or how we react to the news.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Gender
I first want to start out by saying the video we watched was completely ridiculous. I am all for women's rights, and equality but it has to be reasonable and logical. The thing that bothered me the most was that some of the women were so persistent that they lowered strength requirements for the military and fireman training. This bothers me because those strength requirements are important and if you can't meet them then you obviously aren't fit to be in that kind of position. Biologically and physically men are better at those kinds of positions than women, because they are stronger. If the women can meet the physical requirement they should be aloud to do that, but if they can't they should find a different position. Every person has different strengths and weaknesses and we need to take advantage of that. We should all get respect and everything, but not at the cost of people's safety. Like it said in the video, if you are in a fire you want to be carried out, not drug out by your heels.
Another thing with gender is that we need to accept and appreciate our gender. In the church we believe that we have always been the gender that we are now, even in the pre-existence. Heavenly Father has given us certain genders and certain qualities to help us fulfill our role here on earth. As a woman I am proud to be able to have God's children and to nurture them and love them. I am so excited to be able to do this. I think the greatest job or career that I could ever have is that of being a mother. Women today have lost sight of that and for some reason want to be more like men. They have gone into the workplace and stopped wanting to have children and be mother.
Another thing in the video I noticed was that they focused so much on wanting equality but it seemed to me that they actually wanted women to be better than men. Like the statement the woman said that boys should be raised more like girls, I think what she should have said to make her point was that children should be raised the same. Saying boy should be more like girls implies that girls are better than boys. I think that everyone just needs to calm down and accept the fact that boys and girls are emotionally, biologically, physically, and mentally different, and that this is not a bad thing. We should be happy for this difference.
Another thing with gender is that we need to accept and appreciate our gender. In the church we believe that we have always been the gender that we are now, even in the pre-existence. Heavenly Father has given us certain genders and certain qualities to help us fulfill our role here on earth. As a woman I am proud to be able to have God's children and to nurture them and love them. I am so excited to be able to do this. I think the greatest job or career that I could ever have is that of being a mother. Women today have lost sight of that and for some reason want to be more like men. They have gone into the workplace and stopped wanting to have children and be mother.
Another thing in the video I noticed was that they focused so much on wanting equality but it seemed to me that they actually wanted women to be better than men. Like the statement the woman said that boys should be raised more like girls, I think what she should have said to make her point was that children should be raised the same. Saying boy should be more like girls implies that girls are better than boys. I think that everyone just needs to calm down and accept the fact that boys and girls are emotionally, biologically, physically, and mentally different, and that this is not a bad thing. We should be happy for this difference.
Diversity in Families
Last week we talked about diversity in families. This goes beyond the regular race and ethnic diversity, however families do sometimes have that. Most diversity in family comes from the family set up, for example my family is white and we have 2 parents and 5 children, and also education and class and things of that nature.The diversity in my family is that we are LDS, all of my siblings have a basic education and graduated high school or are working on it, most are in college or graduated college, my parents both went to college. So we are well educated. We are all United States citizens and all my family lives in the U.S. We are middle class, we have all the basic necessities of life plus some perks. Another diversity in my family is that I have a sister-in-law and two nephews. It really changed family system and how we interacted with each other. There was all of a sudden another person in our family to get along with. Every family has a culture.
In class we discussed how some cultures might be better than other cultures. In my opinion we should not judge cultures, but we should judge how people turn out from different cultures. In that respect some cultures are better than other cultures. For example in the American culture I know that we look at ourselves from the outside. When someone asks you who you are you tell them material things you have and what kind of education you have received. In comparison in Mexico they do not care what you look like. They see themselves from the inner beauty. If you ask them who they are they will tell you different things about themselves. They are not as worried about outer beauty, and material goods. I think in that their culture is better than ours. We have many eating disorders because our culture focuses so much on outer beauty and being the prettiest girl out there and having the coolest stuff. Also another thing about culture is that you can't look at another culture in the lens of your culture, because every culture is different. When studying other cultures you have to have an open mind, and not be biased. Your culture is going to be different from other cultures, it does not make yours better.
In class we discussed how some cultures might be better than other cultures. In my opinion we should not judge cultures, but we should judge how people turn out from different cultures. In that respect some cultures are better than other cultures. For example in the American culture I know that we look at ourselves from the outside. When someone asks you who you are you tell them material things you have and what kind of education you have received. In comparison in Mexico they do not care what you look like. They see themselves from the inner beauty. If you ask them who they are they will tell you different things about themselves. They are not as worried about outer beauty, and material goods. I think in that their culture is better than ours. We have many eating disorders because our culture focuses so much on outer beauty and being the prettiest girl out there and having the coolest stuff. Also another thing about culture is that you can't look at another culture in the lens of your culture, because every culture is different. When studying other cultures you have to have an open mind, and not be biased. Your culture is going to be different from other cultures, it does not make yours better.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Homeostasis
In class we talked about subsystems theory and how all the systems in the family work together. I liked when we talked about positive and negative feedback, and how with just one look someone can know if they have done something wrong. With me it was my mom who would give the look. Just with that one look, we knew we were in big trouble. With my dad, he would always yell at us, but we could tell when he was getting mad enough to yell. None of us liked to be yelled at, so we tried harder to please dad than mom.
As for homeostasis, it depended on the person whether they would give you a look that told you you were doing something wrong, or there would be a lot of yelling. Usually it was just a look. For me if someone was doing something wrong or bad I would just give a look, and they knew to back off or get back in the norm. For a while when my brother left the church it seemed like our family was disconnected, and not in sync. He kind of made the homeostasis mechanism over heat, and it was not a good feeling. We all like to be functioning properly, and the way to do that is to not let things change to much. However the family and individuals will adapt to the changes, and pretty soon everything will be back to normal.
I am sure the rules to our family were the same for a lot of other families. However as I am getting ready to get married, I see a lot of different behaviors in my boyfriend than I do in how I was raised. His family does things differently than my family did. For example, my mom would always make us turn the TV off when we ate dinner, his family will keep it on and mute it while they eat. It was a little different at first but I got used to it. I think it will be hard to mesh our different upbringings together, but we are already working on it so it will get better. We have already discussed some different things we want in our family, I think it will work well it will just take work, as does everything in life.
As for homeostasis, it depended on the person whether they would give you a look that told you you were doing something wrong, or there would be a lot of yelling. Usually it was just a look. For me if someone was doing something wrong or bad I would just give a look, and they knew to back off or get back in the norm. For a while when my brother left the church it seemed like our family was disconnected, and not in sync. He kind of made the homeostasis mechanism over heat, and it was not a good feeling. We all like to be functioning properly, and the way to do that is to not let things change to much. However the family and individuals will adapt to the changes, and pretty soon everything will be back to normal.
I am sure the rules to our family were the same for a lot of other families. However as I am getting ready to get married, I see a lot of different behaviors in my boyfriend than I do in how I was raised. His family does things differently than my family did. For example, my mom would always make us turn the TV off when we ate dinner, his family will keep it on and mute it while they eat. It was a little different at first but I got used to it. I think it will be hard to mesh our different upbringings together, but we are already working on it so it will get better. We have already discussed some different things we want in our family, I think it will work well it will just take work, as does everything in life.
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